Sex comfort

Sex is fun. It’s a regular part of adult life… if we’re lucky. Lol. Sex can get built up into a big deal in our minds and when we truly connect with another it can feel magical. But mostly we don’t deeply connect and can still have amazing sex… or average sex and some are having some sex that is bad to them. 

But sex I dream of is the kind that is magical and transformative. Until then the sex I have is dear and comforting. That’s still a blessing. 
How about you? 

Failing into your dreams

Sometimes, ok always, our failures contain the germ of our ultimate successes. And succeed we will if we don’t give up. And who wants to give up? No one really but resilience is the key to persistence. To face our failures and not take them personally while learning from them and bouncing back with a new plan or revised approach is critical. In my experience ultimately this is a choice we must make in each instance of failure. From what I understand in order to really grow and master our lives we just must fail often and fail forward. I’m in this life to succeed and a failure from will be the fuel and the information to get me there. 

How about you? 


Happy mediation

Wow! What an amazing mediation session this morning! I have committed to doing mediation regularly this month and today was the day I actually sat my ass down on my cushion. Oh boy! What a session. 

I wanted to do 15 minutes. I listened to a guided mediation that was 10 minutes long. It was great in that the speaker instructed us to relax and not feel responsible for explaining who I am. That’s what I needed to hear. Whew!

Once the 10 minutes are up I’m still feeling like going on and on.  I continued to meditate and started to move my body and make sounds. I felt like a cobra moving in my mediation space.  Rolling and wiggling. Breathing. Feeling my Chakras. Energized and joyous. Free!

I feel wonderful. Again. 

Dr. Alissa

You be the ocean, I’ll surf


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So in tantra we learn that the men are to be the sexual base and women are to be the creative energizers. I was thinking about this today thinking if the man is a fairly calm ocean, then the woman is the rider…boat? surfboard? Yes, surfboard. Waving and dipping on the stable ocean, creating harmony allowing each to play their ultimate part.

Men staying stable during sex is one way to maximize time in play. When a man moves too vigorously, without training, he will ejaculate…sometimes quickly…oftentimes too quickly. When ejaculation comes 99 times out of 100 the sex is over and the woman can be (unfairly!) left unsatisfied. When the man is calm and the woman learns to maneuver herself upon him, there is greater possibility for satisfaction for both. She can have the multiple orgasms she is built to have, he can maintain his stamina to allow her to operate and enjoy the sensations (and view) without putting in too much effort and cumming too quickly. Win. Win!

Let me ride baby!

Dr. Alissa

Hell Yeah! An experiment


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I read somewhere (I know where…a book called, “Why your life sucks and what you can do about it”) that if it is not a Hell Yeah! it’s a Hell No. I wonder what it would be like for 24 hours to live and do only Hell Yeah! stuff. Or at least go into all situations all Hell YEAH! Bringing that energy to everything I do. I’m going to try it. Starting now. I’m about to hell yeah my ass to bed at 7:30 pm because I’m TIRED! I’ll report back…but you try it too! Comment with your results.

What you focus on…grows


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I must be focused on my ass because…jokes. I got jokes.

But this is a true law of the universe, that what you focus upon will grow. You can train yourself to have, be or do anything you want to with affirmations, scripting, visualization and mental discipline. You shouldn’t mistake this effort for hard work though.

Your focus should be easy. It should be clear, present tense, and include you in the picture–living, being or doing the thing you want.

It is important to make these beliefs light and easy. This is key. One strategy is to focus on things you don’t want as much (as they hold less resistance–you’re more likely to believe they can be) and practice light easy beliefs. These easy manifestations will come to pass and practicing manifestation of any sort will bring all of them closer. So focus and be easy, light and breezy and create the life you want.

Now hop to it, damn it!


Dr. Alissa

Big Booty for Sexual Fitness


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Testosterone is the turn-on hormone in men and women. One way you can build testosterone naturally in your system through muscle building. Your glutes or your butt muscles are among the largest in your body so building them up can help your available testosterone load in your bloodstream allowing for greater sexual response, more horniness (increased libido) and a greater sense of sexual attractiveness (what you project you’ll receive). So squat for booty building/body building/sexual fitness.

Plus strong glutes help when you’re actually in the act as you give or receive.


Dr. A

What does it mean to be Relaxed?


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I have NO idea!

As a single mother (mostly), professional, property owner, entrepreneur human I don’t think I experience much relaxation. I know I don’t. I’m usually on alert making sure we are safe, responding to requests, being there for others (and myself a bit) and it is low level stressful all the time. Ugh. Hate it! I’m low-key tired all the time. Rest fully almost never. Restless, idea interrupted sleep often. Engaged always. Grumpy sometimes. Excited a lot of the time, but chilled? Relaxed…almost never.

But this has to change. My life is happening now despite being responsible for so much this is my LIFE and I get to decide how to live it and I want to live it relaxed or at least have better more interesting things to worry about.  Champagne Problems are better than everyday junk! 🙂 Relaxed and unscheduled is my fantasy! And living our fantasies is why we are here.

Single moms especially need to be out there LIVING. Whatever that means to you. For me it means adventuring around the world with my son. Don’t let other people’s judgements of you keep you from living and doing life with your kids. The greatest gift we can give them is our happiness.

I’m excited about what’s coming in the next 6 months and thrilled about a year from now. Right now is a-ok too, because I’m dreaming what will be into place. Yes.

As the guru of loving yourself I declare this the Year of FREE! Do what you want to do. Figure out how. Make a loose plan and get started on it. Nothing is perfect and issues won’t go away, but life is only happening now. So go on and get the life (relaxed or otherwise) that you want. I am. Watch!


Dr. Alissa


Multiple Male Orgasms


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I’m a woman, but I am educating myself about multiple orgasms for men. I have had multiple orgasms myself from time to time and enjoy them. Learning, through my study of tantra about multiple male orgasms (or dry orgasms as they are called) is fascinating. Orgasms for women are energizing and wet (ejaculatory) orgasms for men are energy depleting, so men can learn how to retain their vital energy and still enjoy the pleasure of orgasm (multiple). There are lots of good resources available on line and in books that I’m referencing to learn more about the movement of energy from the genitals (which leads to those depleting wet orgasms) to the entire body (up the chakra chain) so the pleasure can circulate throughout the body. It works the same for women who are learning to spread the genital orgasm to the entire body. Women already have many more ways to have an orgasm than men, but the principle is the same–moving and exchanging energy within and between bodies to hit that high repeatedly. Plus it is fun to practice. Join me?

Mindset follows no matter what


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So I am just back from a few days out in California with my mother and seeing a few friends and family as well. It is always good for me to go away because it gives my brain an opportunity to breathe and get some perspective. And I always can use that space as I want to create more new life experiences…travel around this great word with my son.

California was fun because the trip was free. It was nice to hang with my mom. It was nice to drive a new Mercedes. It was nice to be pretty relaxed and spend time with friends and see some family. I was sharing my goals of moving down to Central/South America and it was good to hear the support from loved ones as we talked about these ideas. A couple of days after seeing her my cousin sent me this article. That is kind of awesome and a number of these places were places on my list.

Being on the road with my baby boy was fun because we travel well together. He is an experienced traveler and it so much fun. We laugh like maniacs when we are away (we laugh at home too though). I want to show him (and myself) the world and what is in it.

It was funny coming back to NJ because it was like all the dumb fucking thoughts I usually have here came flooding back in. I was about to blame myself for this but realize that the things here at home didn’t change. My house is still the same. Great and still needs work done. My friends are still great and focused on their own lives. My car is still nice. My job is still here demanding the same things it usually does. I’m still me.

But…but…but…There is hope! FUcking HOPE! I’m creating hope by choosing to create the life that I want. I am still me and that’s marvelous. I am still me an I have the possibility to be amazing and expansive me while I retain my inner point of view which is good. To allow myself time to breathe and be free in the world. To love and live. That’s what I want and that’s what we are going to get. Stay tuned.